Ex's in Utah (or somewhere, or anywhere)

Wow, I'm speechless. Okay, probably not, because I'll have enough words to fill up an entire page, but I am breathless.
I just got an e-mail from my last boyfriend. We parted on no terms, because he didn't talk to me at all. Lots of details, but not for here. He apologized. He stepped up to the plate, and apologized for being a coward. That, in and of itself, is not being cowardly.
Why is he writing me now? What makes this day so special that he has to get this off his chest? Should I respond? What should I say? How can I tell him that I cried for months and gained 20 pounds? How can I tell him that I still think about him? How can I tell him that everyone I know dislikes him? How can he understand that he hurt me, and that his apology has made it all worth it? Is this at all normal? Does this kind of thing happen everyday to other people? I want to tell him every good thing that has happened to me since he disappeared off the face of the earth, and that it's okay, apology accepted. I want to tell him about meeting my Super-Cutie, and leaving Primary for Young Women, trying to find another apartment, learning to make bread, how much I've grown. I want to tell him that it's not okay, apology not accepted because he hurt me, and for no other reason than that. I want him to know all the bad thoughts I had about him, and how bad I felt about myself because he was a worthless boy.
I want to tell him that everything's going to be fine, that I'll find that perfect match for me, and that it's not him, and he'll find his true north, too. I want to be his friend, and I want to be his girlfriend, and I want to despise him the rest of my life, and curse him with all the plauges of Egypt. I want the best for him, because I love him. Of course, it's not the same love as I felt when we were together; it's different, and I want him to know that. He mentioned that everything happens for a reason, and that there was a reason that we were supposed to meet. I know that there was a reason that he was prompted to send me this letter of apology. It may just be because someone is making him, or some other reason that I don't know of, but to me, right this moment, the only reason is because I needed it to see how I felt about him, how I felt about letting him go, and how I feel about moving on.
And I'm ready.

That's me in the middle, and from left to right, MasonJar, Average Joe, Bob the Builder, and Grantney 

Best Weekend Ever, Continued

So, apparently I impressed Super-Cutie when I told him that his breath smelled delicious, and that he made me salivate. But the candy, really. Are you on the edge of your seat on how I know that? BECAUSE HE E-MAILED ME!!!!! I was so totally excited to see his name in my inbox, and was even more excited because he replied in the same day I sent him mail! Is that a good thing? And he said that he was glad to hear from me, and thanked me for getting in touch with him. Good? Bad? I need input to determine his "real" intentions!!
P.S. All goes well with my YW Personal Progress. The pres. set me out as an example to the girls, which was pretty cool, first for them to have an example set for them, and second to get recognition from them.
I think I'll go to bed smiling, and if I'm obsessive enough, I'll carry a copy of it around in my pocket tomorrow. Yeah, I have done that before. Why do you ask?

Don't let colon cancer sneak up on you

Apparently, rancid soy milk smells like cat pee.

Cacaw, Cacaw

So I pretty much had the best weekend ever. A group of us went over to TN to hang out in Knoxville for dinner, dancing, and church, despite the snow and freezing cold weather (it was 18 degrees Saturday night). And I was super cute, in the basic black with my hair all did and make-up, too. Just when I was about to give up hope of seeing The Super-Cutie, J-Dawg and West Jordan convinced me to stay in it just a little bit longer. Lo and behold, I see a tall dark stranger coming over to me. It's him!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so excited to see him there, and he seemed to genuinely reciprocate my warm, welcoming smile. We danced, we talked, I used a great line on him (who knew that men liked hearing that they make a girl salivate??). As we were going back to our very gracious hostess' house, The Super-Cutie said that he was going to come over too, with a big group, and hang out til all hours of the night. Well, I waited and waited, gave back rubs, ate French Toast at 2 am, but no Super-Cutie. I thought for sure that it would be the end of our relationship, but I was fortunate enough to see his goatee-less face on Sunday. I'm sure I looked pretty rough after Saturday night, but, hey, he's going to see a lot more of me grubby when we get married!! Just kidding, but not really. I got a full body hug (and how great it was!) and an e-mail address (he claims he checked in his jacket pocket directly after our first meeting and didn't find my address- hmmmm...), and had a great Sacrament meeting watching Average Joe and Bob the Builder sleep. And thanks to no sleep, I got a reprieve from Masonjar's gastrointestinal acrobatics. Cacaw, cacaw!! As we were leaving church, I saw Super-Cutie sitting in the parking lot, waving his hand like he's flagging down the last train to the coast, and realized that he was waving to me!! Now, it may not seem like a lot to you, but with my obsessive compulsion to take apart and analyze every move Super-Cutie makes, I'm guessing that's a good sign! Anyways, it was just a really good time, even if there was no sleep and nasty gas smells the whole time!!
So how long should I wait til I e-mail him????? I've gotten the answers Monday or Tuesday, when he gave me his address on Sunday.

More adventures in baby-sitting

I've had an interesting week... very busy, too. Sunday: Baby-sit while others watch the Super Bowl (the Super what? I haven't watched a football game since... since I lived at home!). Monday: Clean someone else's house. Tuesday: Baby-sit an 8-week old baby boy, Kevin. What a joy!! Let's see, wake up, eat, poop, play, sleep. Not a bad day; baby-sit, and get thrown up on by a 5-year old... not as much fun as you can imagine it to be, especially since I have a weak stomach for things spurting from other people's mouths. Wednesday: Nanny for the two cutest girls in town! Thursday: Baby-sit for 3 kids, ages 6-8. Ya, I know. Friday: Finally I have a day off, except it's not really off because I still went to a movie, dinner, then to walk off dinner around the mall. Then tomorrow it's a meeting at church, then to Old Fort if it doesn't snow to check out our camp site for this year's conference. Lots of fun, and if I can ever figure out how to do it, I'll have pictures... but in April. Then Sunday: Church and studying, and friends and studying. Toss in a bit of roommate sickness, laundry, apartment hunting, and organizing the black hole under my bed, it's been a pretty busy week!! Happy Birthday to mama!! She'll be -- this year!
"They tell you that in all change there are two elements, that which is changed and that which changes it. Each agent of change is itself determined by some higher agent. Can this go on ad infinitum? Oh, no, they say, that would not give the finality that thought demands. But does thought demand it? Why shouldn't the chain go on for ever?"
Graham Greene is probably one of the best writers I have ever read. I'm currently reading a collection of short stories (and they are short!!), which are mostly lonely, and always have a meaning just behind the words. My favorites: The Hint of an Explanation (great for thinking extra hard about religion and what it all means, how we got here, and what to do while we're here); Alas, Poor Maling (it's just a great fart story); Under the Garden (just a good story to think about, also); May We Borrow Your Husband (a good story about trying to understand marriage- "The only love which has lasted is the love that has accepted everything, every disappointment, every failure and every betrayal, which has accepted even the sad fact that in the end there is no desire so deep as the simple desire for companionship."). There's still a few stories left, so I'm sure I'll have more to add to that list. I can't wait to devour all of Greene's other writings!!
Enjoy!

Strange Days... and Adventures in Babysitting

So, I totally forgot to include this really strange and revealing incident that happened a couple weeks ago. After Institute, I stopped at the gas station right by my house to pick up some Gobstoppers, because, well, everyone needs some Gobstoppers. I ran in, bought my much-loved hard candy, and when I came back to my car, I realized I had locked my keys in... and my car was running!!! After a couple seconds of open-mouthed staring at my door handle, I go back inside and ask to use the phone. When queried on the exact purpose of the use of the telephone, I proceeded to explain my predicament. The employee was very understanding (after a good laugh on everyone's part), and decided that he would help me out of my jam. He tried unlocking my door with one of those hook thingies, but with lots of cursing and a couple cigarettes, couldn't get it opened. He let me use his cell phone (it was cold, and I only had a jean jacket on, so why the use of the phone indoors was prohibited is still beyond me) to call my roommate, we'll call her An-chilada, who was, in fact, in Candler. For those of you who don't know, Candler is about a 20-30 minute drive from where my extremely inconvenient plight is taking place. She says she's on her way, so the afore mentioned helpful (if not foul-mouthed) employee proceed to spend the hour together, discussing various job experiences, marital preferences, high school incidents, and vasectomies. Yes, vasectomies. And he's getting one to stop the spreading of his genes onto the rising generation. Finally, An-chilada arrives with the golden key, and all's well that end's well. Okay, so not exactly. I spent an hour of my precious time with my high school boyfriend. I've known him for approximately 10 years, and we've been on speaking terms... about 1 year and 1 hour of that decade. Isn't it funny how sometimes people will come back into our lives? And especially at the most awkward times.
Baby sitting news: I work for some of the coolest people!!! Two such people are the ladies I nanny for. Another is a candle maker, so it's always fun to go to her house and smell everything. I got an AWESOME candle that smells just like leather!!! I bought one for my dad, too, because he's just... it just reminds me of him, so that's why I bought one for myself, too. I'm sure he doesn't need a reminder of himself, but I'm sure he'll enjoy it. I'm so not a good daughter. I love my parents very much, but it's been hard for me to tell them, to accept their help, or even to ask for it. They have raised a good person, and I know that if it weren't for them, I would have no manners, no sense of self, no good example of womanhood, and no man in my life that would be able to help me in all the ways that he has. I love my family, and I know that I don't show it as much as I should. I tell them I love them, and I mean it, but I know that I need to do more to SHOW them my love and appreciation for their... being my family. I know that I was put with these people for many reasons; to learn, to grow, and to be an example.